To Drink or Not to Drink, that is the question.....

In the past five years, I would have never labeled myself a heavy drinker. I had wine when I went out to dinner a couple of times a month and I enjoyed a glass or two on the weekends to unwind after work. I loved going to the natural wine store down the street from my house where I picked out a couple of bottles Friday after work. I loved learning the stories about where the bottles were produced and what was behind their unique funky taste. I always chose clean organic wines that were ethically produced. My husband and I would usually bring them to friends' homes or have them with our own home cooked meal.

I pretty much stopped drinking hard alcohol for the most part and never really craved it. So when I was sitting at a doctor's appointment in late June of 2021, and my doctor recommended I quit drinking, I immediately responded, "I really don't drink much, a couple times a week, a couple glasses of wine here and there, but not much." She insisted that any alcohol was poison and it wreaked havoc on multiple systems in the body.

I was there because my Thyroid had been causing me problems, and I was looking for some solutions. She must have mentioned over five times during the appointment that putting down the alcohol was going to help me feel better fast. And because I was in perimenopause, she explained, the consumption of alcohol makes it even harder for my body to process.

I left that appointment slightly deflated at the thought that I would have to give up my ritual of wine drinking, but I also felt a glimmer of motivation to heed her advice if it meant I would feel better. Since then I have come to understand that drinking booze can be compared to dropping a bomb into your belly. It destroys all bacteria, good and bad, in its path. It also encourages harmful bacteria to grow back. Women need good friendly bacteria for hormone conversion and many many other crucial systemic functions. The good news is that the stomach can recover from an alcohol bomb in four days, our bodies are resilient. But if you keep bombing it over and over for years and years, it's never given an opportunity to heal. Insert eyebrow raised chin-scratching emoji.

Advice on drinking was one of the last things I had expected to hear at my appointment. But I went in feeling pretty awful, and I wanted a solution. It wasn't the answer I was looking for, but I was intrigued. Every day I offer health advice to my clients who share with me challenges with their health. I often find that the suggestions I offer, are not words they want to hear. I get that. It’s hard to make changes, even if it means feeling better.

Perhaps it was timing and a degree of readiness, but leaving that appointment, I was able to put my “bummer” response aside and get interested in what three months with no alcohol would look and feel like. At first, I imagined I would immediately lose twenty pounds, and the crowsfeet around my eyes would disappear. I pictured endless amounts of energy and lots of productivity. So with this visual as my ignition to make change, I set forth to try this new behavior on for size.

The first couple of weeks were awkward. I stocked up on a lot of non- alcoholic beverages. Bubbly water of all sorts. These have become my favorites: Gerolsteiner and Reishi tea sparkling botancals. I also invested in many types of kombucha, CBD (fav brand Equilibria), and Pique tea. Another awkward habit was telling everyone, and I mean everyone, that I had quit drinking. I basically had a bull horn attached to my mouth announcing my newfound abstinence all over the city. I think part of my rationale to make my choice public was about holding myself accountable.

About a month in, I started to look for the things that I had promised myself would happen. Youthful appearance? Not yet. Weight Loss? A little but nothing monumental. Endless energy? Nope. Not to mention I noticed I felt a sense of loss around my old self. The person who enjoyed a glass of wine and laughed and socialized freely.

 I started to question my choice to stop. I might have even lost sight of my original intention. To add fuel to the fire, I also had developed a raging sugar habit. I knew where to purchase the best quality dark chocolate all over the city. But with a little time, I came to realize that my cravings were classic signs of detoxification. I came to realize that maybe just maybe, I had been a bit more of a drinker than the picture I had painted of myself.

This realization was not easy to accept, but it did encourage me to lean in and contemplate more. As the summer days burned on, I kept my word to myself and didn't break the promise. The sugar addiction was hard to shake and still hasn't been remedied, but I slowly started to feel this veil of anxiety being lifted from my life; I began to feel my feelings more intensely. I noticed when I needed rest. I woke up a lot earlier with no anxiety. I didn't have to depuff my eyes, and my belly was less puffy too. And, one of the best results has been that my once terrible food allergies to gluten were now eradicated. I no longer had to be insanely careful about what was on my plate in restaurants, a sign that my gut lining was getting stronger.

After two months, I was feeling noticeably better, lighter, freer. Then, just as I was getting more accustomed to this new-feeling me, my dog Karl passed away. The gut-wrenching grief from that loss was intolerable. I have had a lot of loss in my life, but this was somehow different. Karl was my first dog. the love I had for that small animal was enormous. He was by my side for 12 years and the silent absence of his presence was excruciating.

To cope with our grief, my husband and I escaped to the woods and I had a drink. I bought a hard kombucha and drank the whole thing. I immediately felt that old familiar buzz of relief, but the next day when I woke up in my tent, that same pain greeted me. I realized that going through it and feeling what I was feeling was the only option. Booze was never the answer. Although I wanted so much to dull the intensity of emotion I had reeling through me for days on end, alcohol , I know should never be a coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, loneliness, or sadness.

 Having the opportunity to be human and break a promise to me ended up not being as big of a deal as I thought. I just picked up the pieces and kept riding the wave. I started feeling empowered and more in control. Less awkward around others that were having a drink. I went to weddings and parties and had a good time. Embracing this new pattern has been so unexpected and yet also enjoyable. My choice to push pause on drinking was a significant teacher.

It has been four months since I quit, and I am not missing it. I have to say the knee-jerk reaction to grab the wine when stress hits hasn't left yet. I still want it; I still feel the auto-impulse to reflexively want a drink when I feel a little overwhelmed.

I still don't know what the answer is when it comes to the age-old question of is alcohol okay to consume? I feel like our society has romanticized booze just like its romanticized sugar. Like it's a reward for having a hard day or a friend you can always lean on. A friend who doesn't have your best interest at heart. I read about the Blue Zones in Greece and Turkey, where having a glass of red wine every day is part of their culture, and it helps them live a long, meaningful life. That, in turn, makes us think we have the green light to imbibe. We live in a world that is full of invisible toxicity that we have no control over. From what's sprayed on our food to what we slather on our skin. Alcohol is a serious toxin that the body prioritizes eliminating, therefore it can keep the other toxins lurking in the body for longer periods of time.

As for my body I am going to always remember how important it is to listen to my instincts. I used to have such a hard time deciphering if they were instincts or just paranoia. Now with the clarity from these months off of alcohol, I have gained a newfound and welcome clarity.

Some folks have friendships and social circles built around booze. A lot of people are not ready to face life without it. And who is to say they need to?

 There are many intricacies involved when you quit drinking, from social to health-related. I know that another day will come, and I will have a glass of wine with friends. I actually can't wait for the day when I feel like it's time to dip back into my biodynamic, low alcohol wine or hard kombucha. I hope this holiday season will give me a couple opportunities. I will never be black and white about the issue. I'm excited to see what my brain and body are capable of without it. And I'm eager to make new memories socially with my friends and family when I choose to be with it and enjoy the moment.